


When the Walls Won't Hold

by gay_jeans



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Anger, Child Death, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Grief, Mourning, On Hiatus, Pregnancy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, all of the barnums need a hug, based on my own experiences and grief and such etc, huuuge trigger warning for infant death, i'm still writing this but it's on the back burner, turns dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-23 01:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gay_jeans/pseuds/gay_jeans
Summary: Phineas had only seen this look on Charity's face three times: the first time, he was down on one knee and holding out a ring. The second time, she told him she was pregnant with Caroline. And the third time was when she told him they were expecting Helen. Despite this, he still had to hear the words come from her own mouth in order to believe what he already knew.“I’m pregnant, Phin.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this as a preview, kind of, of what's to come. I have a lot of work to do on this, but I plan on writing it. 
> 
> WARNINGS: This story is going to be heavily dark, emotional, and angsty for obvious reasons if you've read the tags. I want to assure you guys that I'm not taking child loss lightly, or simply as a matter of entertainment. I've lost three siblings to miscarriages and as the oldest child, one who's a parental figure to my younger siblings, it sucks more than I can put into words. But this is sort of a way for me to put it into words. Does that make any sense? I hope so. Just be warned, my head is a dark place, but it does have closure.

“Phineas?”

Barnum looked up from his book to the doorway of the bedroom. He sat at his desk in the master bedroom. It’s a humble little house, two bedrooms and one bathroom with a small kitchen, a cozy living room with sparse decoration, but they hadn’t been happier in a home.

“Yes?”

Charity leaned against the doorway, adorning a simple grey dress. She fiddled idly with the gold band on her finger. A faint smile, a cross between happiness and fear, lit up her features, but it was the look in her eyes that captivated his heart.

Phineas had only seen this look on Charity’s face three times: the first time, he was down on one knee and holding out a ring. The second time, she told him she was pregnant with Caroline. And the third time was when she told him they were expecting Helen. Despite this, he still had to hear the words come from her own mouth in order to believe what he already knew.

“I’m pregnant, Phin.”

Those blue eyes were pure and wholesome, full of joy and love ready to give to the child growing in her womb. The only thing was that there was always the anticipation of a negative reaction from her husband. What if two children was enough for him, or what if the stress of finances for an additional member of the family was too much? She knew Phineas’s heart, sometimes better than he did, so of course she was certain he’d be supportive. But there’s always those negative thoughts. However, in moments like those, Phineas could never love her more. The vulnerability she had to strip herself down to in order to tell him they were expecting a child was something worth more than anything the privileges of being a higher-up could give him. This was the woman he married.

His immediate reaction was a stunned silence, taking it all in. The next thing he wanted to do was embrace her in a bone-crushing hug, but instead felt his arms softly wrapping around her body, pulling her close, as he combed fingers through her silky hair.

“We’re gonna have a baby,” Charity whispered. Tears were threatening to spill over.

He drew back and kissed her softly. “We’re gonna have a baby,” he repeated. Then his eyes grew wider. A laugh escaped past his blinding smile, white teeth exposed. “We’re gonna have a baby!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phineas approaches Phillip about joining the circus again. 
> 
> Phinity fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i've only got an outline of where i want to go with this, and i'm just writing as i go along. so i may end up coming back and editing after a few more chapters? i don't know, i'm a hot mess.

It was hard enough finding a job that allowed Phineas to support his family before he started the circus. He’d always had an outstanding work ethic and humility to do even the lowliest of jobs that no one else wanted to do, but hardly any of his employers saw him as that. Instead, they viewed him as a lower-class individual who would do anything they asked. That seemed to mean the bare minimum wage. Even the men who did value and appreciate him ended up going bankrupt or having to let him go.

It was even worse after he retired from the Ringleader position.

Weeks passed before he was able to find a job with a manageable pay. No one took him seriously–he was a King Humbug that paraded “freaks” around and nothing else. Well, that and a public failure and disgrace as a result of Jenny Lind’s tour. He was always given the most humble of jobs, which he never really minded the dirty work, but it was the mindset they enforced with it that stung. And he was always the first to go. In the span of a year after he retired, he went through four jobs.

Charity, Caroline, and Helen kept his spirits high. His fall from fame had finally opened his eyes, and nothing came between him and his family anymore. However, it presented a challenge to keep this promise and find a way to keep them financially afloat. Then Charity told him she was expecting. These jobs weren’t enough.

The comfortable September air drifted off into October weather. Evenings turned darker and cooler quicker, tinting noses pinks and chilling ears cold. Nothing a hot cup of tea couldn’t fix; come to think of it, a tea party with the girls would be fun.

The announcement had been only a week ago. He gave his two weeks notice yesterday and used this fine Saturday morning to visit the circus. The red and white tent stood vibrant and proud in the empty lot overlooking the docks. Muffled melodies poured from the tent flaps; he could hear them rehearsing from a street away.

Walking through the entrance, just a space where the tent flaps had been pulled back, he ducked behind a row of bleachers and watched through the wooden planks. He visited from time to time, watching a performance and supporting them, but not as often as he wished he could.

Phillip was leading a few of the troupe members through a dance number. Lettie, the Albino Twins and Sampson, Constantine, Jeremy, the tattooed lady and the woman in gold followed along, taking time to make sure their movements were correct and precise. Off to the side, Anne, W. D. and the other aerialists could be seen practicing gymnastics. Phillip had taken on the role of Ringleader timidly but with great promise. As prideful as Phineas was, Phillip’s body was more easily capable of technical movements. He was a natural.

 

 

“Glad to see you could stop by, I know you’re busy.” Phillip dropped his top hat delicately on the bleacher above the one he sat on, at a comfortable distance from Barnum. They lacked any sort of formal office, so a meeting on the bleachers had to work. His ringleader jacket was unbuttoned in an attempt to cool his flushed body. The beginning of sweat clung to the base of his hair.

“What brings you here?”

Phineas took a deep breath, hoping it wasn’t a mistake to come here. From the looks of it, they had a good thing going here without him. Hopefully he wouldn’t screw that up.

“I’m actually here to ask if there’s any chance I could come back? Of course, I don’t have to be out in the ring,” he added quickly. “I can see you’re doing an amazing job. I don’t mind working with the animals or cleaning up after shows.”

Phillip let out a half-laugh, waving a hand to stop him, as if he wasn’t understanding. “Slow way down, for me. What’s going on?”

“Well, it’s hard finding and keeping a job after this,” he gestured to the general area around them. There was no venom behind his words, nor aimed at anyone of his circus. They were one of the best things he’d done with his life and wouldn’t change that for the world. “Especially a job that pays well enough for me to keep us afloat. And we’ve got another variable added into that, now.”

The questioning look Phillip gave promoted him to continue. A fond expression came upon his face, immediately beaming at the thought again. “Charity’s pregnant.”

Phillip’s eyes grew big. “Congratulations!” He reached a hand to clap Phineas on the shoulder, grinning from ear to ear. “I can’t believe I’m gonna have another little niece. Or nephew,” he gave a hopeful glance. His choice of wording wasn’t lost on Phineas; the casual implication that he thought of Barnum’s daughters as his nieces was touching.

He shrugged. “It doesn’t even matter to me, Phil, as long as they’re happy and healthy.” It was the truth, and he was satisfied with that. He could honestly see himself dancing with and cooing over another little girl, or play-wrestling with and bouncing a little boy on his knee.

“Well, yes, of course you can come back.” The light in his eyes told Phineas that he obviously always had a place there, even if Charity hadn’t been pregnant. Phillip leaned in conspiratorially. “Don’t tell them I said this, but they’ve missed you. We all have.”

He let out a sigh of relief, a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He didn’t know why, though, because his family had never been known for exclusion. He was willing to clean out the elephant stables in order to show his gratitude. “What job would you have me do?”

Phillip got a glint in his eye. “I’ll do you one better,” he promised, tipping his chin. “Come back out in the ring with me.”

* * *

 

Evening had fallen far too quickly, cutting his visit with the troupe short. The last time he’d seen them must’ve been last month, which was too long for the showman’s liking. Work had had him whipped, coming in early in the morning and returning home so late that he would be asleep before his head hit the pillow. That was just something else he was looking forward to putting out of routine once his two weeks were up. He ended up staying at the circus all day, catching up with the performers and being informed about new acts they’d started. They couldn’t wait, nor could he, for P. T. Barnum to enter as Ringleader alongside Phillip Carlyle again.

In his bedroom, he and Charity dressed for bed after putting the girls to sleep.

“And just like that, you’re back in? That’s amazing, hon.”

It wasn’t by the power of fortune that she trusted him to take his position back in the show. It had taken months to earn her trust back, bit by bit. He had let down Caroline and Helen as well, but he humbled himself down to his hands and knees to begin working for redemption. Charity had tried to live life as a forgiving person. It took time, but she eventually and wholeheartedly forgave her husband for the ambitions that had blinded him to his original dream: his family. Redemption, however, is another thing than forgiveness. She made him work for it. He spent every moment that wasn’t at work, with and for his girls. That included tea parties, cowboys and Indians, meals, storytimes, and beyond.

He _earned_ their trust back.

“Phillip’s as good as they come.” Phineas poked his head through the nightshirt, maneuvering his arms through the sleeves. “When do you want to tell Caroline and Helen?”

Charity began pulling the bedcovers back. “I was thinking we might wait just a while,” she suggested. “It’s kind of nice, just you and me knowing.”

He winced as he sank into the mattress alongside Charity. “About that…I told Phillip today, I thought it might help our case.”

He was relieved when she chuckled. She pulled the covers close, letting herself nestle in the comfort of his strong arms. “Nothing can upset me, right now. I’m in heaven.” With a quiet sigh, her breathing evened out peacefully.

The windows were cracked enough to hear the crickets chirping serenely outside. Phineas always found the background noise comforting and nostalgic to the memories of his mother, Irena, tucking him into bed and singing a soft lullaby. The thought brought a twinge of sadness. He was only ten when she passed away. But listening to Charity’s breathing, feeling her cool hair on his cheek, eyes drifting down to her hidden belly, a smile gently curved his lips.

He reached over to turn the lamp off. “Goodnight Charity,” he whispered. “I love you more than you know.”

“Love you too, Phin.”

The sweet scent of her hair and cool breeze through the window lulled him to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how long this fic will be, but I'll be writing this when I have writer's block for the Mafia AU. 
> 
> Have a lovely day everybody!


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